CheapJAP

Splurgy Poo

Success at the Scarehouse Sale

Here’s the full report on the damage Mom and I did at Barney’s Warehouse Sale. When I hit sales of the Barney’s ilk, I ask myself the following question before committing to a particular item: Would I still want this if it wasn’t on sale? This ensures that I’m not duped into buying solely because it’s a good deal. Newsflash, ladies: Buying something at 75% off doth not equate to saving money. Spending less might give you peace of mind, but - let’s not kid ourselves - it’s still spending. Just make sure you waste your dough wisely (if that makes any sense).

This beige shrug isn’t just a fab layering piece that’ll get me through many Falls and Winters to come. It’s also 100% cashmere. Yummy. $495 is an utterly absurd price to pay for a top; $249 isn’t much better. But $119 for the kind of quality and versatility that’s eternally In? That I can do.

I’ve been on the hunt for straight-leg rocker jeans for quite some time now. The subtle vertical stripe on these on Superfines is a nice touch, and the slight flare at the ankle means they can be worn with heels sans excessive bunching - they actually manage to be more JAPtastic than hipster. Superfines usually retail for around $180; these were $99. Me likey.

This gray, cashmere blend sweater has a sexy, low-cut back and feels like pajamas. Basically, I’ll live in it.

At $69, it was probs the cheapest thing at the Barney’s Warehouse Sale. So it’s only fitting that it now belongs to me

Splurgy Poo

The Leather Lining of the Waitressing Cloud

Aside from social intelligence and charm, both of which I obvs have in abundance, waitressing doesn’t require a whole lot of brainpower. But after working five nights out of the past six, I can say with complete confidence that it’s among the most grueling things I’ve ever done. My entire body aches, I’ve got bags under my eyes, and - despite the massive bottles of Fiji consumed throughout these evenings on my feet - I’m dehydrated to the point of icky, chapped lips. And I’ve still got four more consecutive shifts to go. This Memorial Day Weekend, the only soiree I’m throwing is a pity party. Sniffle.

Thankfully, my mounting, grouchy exhaustion has one big perk. My new serving gig nets me a ton of cash which - in my current state - I have neither the time nor the energy to spend; at the conclusion of working nine nights out of ten, I’ll have netted some serious moolah. You know what that means. It’s handbag time. Continue reading →

Splurgy Poo

A Leather Loophole in a Green World. Phew.

The fashion blogosphere has been in a tizzy over eco-chic style for quite some time now. I’m generally open to eco-friendly fashion. I’m also generally opposed to the idea of handbags made from anything other than leather. Sure, a few of the latest Stella McCartney Pleated Bags are decent looking. But if you think I’m spending $995 on a tote made out of fucking nylon, you’re all kinds of crazy.

Like fine wines, leather bags don’t just last - they actually get better with age. A tote constructed entirely out of Recycled Leather? That I can do. Ashley Watson seems to be the go-to designer for bags of this ilk, and rightfully so: Her bags are so fab, I’d be wooed by them even if I wasn’t seeking to reconcile my love of leather with my guilt over not giving a shit about the environment.

The Plover pictured is priced at $335. I’m all about calling out designers for jacking their prices, but as Watson’s bags - in addition to being totally gorge - are both handmade and one-of-a-kind, I can wholeheartedly say that this juice is worth the squeeze. Even for my cheap tush.

Splurgy Poo

“Needs”: The Transitional Coat

I talk a lot of smack for someone who’s still continually spoiled by her parents. I stand by the fact that when I shop alone, it’s always on my own dime and subsequently, always a budget-conscious activity. But when I shop with Mommy, we don’t let icky, annoying things like the cost of this Manoush Belted Ruffle Hemmed Trench inhibit our experience.
Continue reading →

Splurgy Poo

New Year, New Bag: Price Points

Okay, so, I’m splurging on a massive leather handbag sometime soon. But even splurging has its limits, particularly for Cheap JAPs saving their hard earned dough for said splurge.

This Bulga, priced at $880 is, I fear, sadly out of range. Why? Because it’s a hundred and change away from a grand. Saving the moolah required to purchase this bag would mean sacrificing my fave hobby - finding and acquiring fab, cheap clothes - for a period of months. When I think about the sheer volume of Cheap JAPtastic stuff I could buy with $880, I just can’t do it. And so we will look and appreciate the fabulosity of the Bulga, and keep on truckin’ till we find something in the more bearable range of three to six Benjamins. Sigh.

Splurgy Poo

New Year, New Bag: The First Contenders

The single worst thing about attending Northwestern University is epitomized by the following sentence: “Northwestern…that’s outside of Boston, right?” Wrong! I did not bust my ass at a top ten university so that your little pea brain could confuse it with a third tier school.

In the world of Cheap JAP, a Northeastern is obvs the fake handbag version of a Northwestern. You might think we don’t need to concern ourselves with this travesty, as we’re not in the market for fake bags and willing to splurge on the real deal. Again, wrong! We don’t just need to find a fab, overpriced, coveted bag here, people. We need to make sure that our bag cannot be faked adequately, because we don’t want anyone whispering to us in conspiring fashion, “Did you score that down on Canal or in Soho?”

This brings us to the quality our eventual purchase must have in spades.

Utterly Unfakeable
I’m usually against famous peeps using their celebrity to break into fashion because most of them can’t even dress themselves. Gwen Stefani is a different story; her style rocks as hard as she does, and she had the good sense to collaborate with Tim Schifter on the design for L.A.M.B.’s handbag line. Continue reading →

Splurgy Poo

New Year, New Bag

Like adolescence in Almost Famous, New Year’s resolutions are a marketing tool, mostly for weight-loss conglomerates (see Jenny Craig, Valerie Bertinelli). You can’t just wake up on the first of the year and decide to quit smoking, or to stop being so vain and judgmental, or that you can’t change the dudes you date.

Ain’t gonna happen, beotches. You can, however, use the New Year as an excuse to start working toward a new, massive, awesomely crafted and terrifically overpriced leather tote. Like curbing a nicotine habit, bettering yourself or working through an emotional shitstorm, finding the right handbag is a long, arduous journey. It requires extensive research and - as handbags are one of the few items you can’t scrimp on in the land o’ Cheap JAP - a whole lotta dough.

I’ve worn the hell out of my Botkier for four years straight. Over the next few months, we will sift through the contenders for its replacement, ultimately developing a list of five finalists from which to choose. The minimum qualifications for entry follow. Continue reading →

Splurgy Poo

The Best Handbag Ever

Nothing warms a true JAP’s heart like a big, buttery, beautiful (and alliteration friendly!) leather handbag. Tragically, bags of this caliber cannot be faked. Ever. You also can’t beg your parentals for one more than once a year. This leaves us Cheap JAPs in dire straits.

I abused Daddy’s Amex for the bulk of my undergraduate career and was issued a grave warning toward the end of my junior year: The credit card was to be used FOR ESSENTIALS ONLY. This meant groceries, toiletries and the occasional bar tab. If he saw one more charge from Active Endeavors, he was going to kill me via No Cartier Watch for Graduation. That gorgeous, all-purpose, $550 Botkier bag I’d been dying for would have to wait.

Patience has never been one of my virtues. I couldn’t wait the requisite two months it would take Daddy to forget he’d issued the warning, and I couldn’t just sit there while my fellow JAPs toyed with and contemplated buying my bag. So I did something utterly perverse, something completely foreign to the majority of college-aged JAPs. I got a part-time waitressing job.

Continue reading →

Splurgy Poo

The Denim Dish

Cheap JAPs are still JAPs at heart, and no JAP’s closet is complete without designer denim. If we only cared about shopping cheap, we’d head to The GAP, find the least ill-fitting pair of no-name jeans and call it a day. But we’re all about image here, and sometimes you can’t look loaded without a JAP-certified logo hugging your buttcheeks. Above, from left to right, we have AGs, Sevens, True Religions and Citizens; all fab brands, all purchased with Daddy’s Amex.

While you can’t scrimp on jeans, you can be smart about the kind of denim you buy. The gray, straight leg True Religions were purchased last Fall when the “Rocker” look (read: mag editors’ attempt to lure people into dressing like hipsters) was all the rage. I respect hipster style but I can’t work it for shit. Also, the crotch on these jeans is too long and makes me look like I may or may not have a penis.

I initially ignored the fit of the True Religions because I was thrilled to have found something so In, but whenever I tried them on, I hated them more and more. The lesson? Jeans that don’t fit your bod perfectly are always Out, regardless of brand or cut.